Numb

This week-end was not easy. Saturday I had my dog’s training, I usually look forward to it. It takes place in a forest like park with loads of dogs around and they are just hilarious to be around. But this saturday even if I was not having it, I somehow managed to pull myself out of bed and join the training group. My only motivation was the memories of my past fun experiences with my furry besties and the fresh air, the fresh air had to do some good.

Then I went home. I had a skype meeting all day for an association I am part of. We had an election. I knew that I was proposed to be one of the three VP but the truth is I really don’t want that position. I have so much on my plate already and my own projects that this year I wanted to prioritise myself. I was not assertive enough in my arguments and ended up one of the VPs for three years. God help me ! I hope this will be a learning experience for sure.

Numb? I cannot feel anything at the moment. Food is calling me. I win the fights. Sometimes I am so numb and tired that all I want to do is to sleep. I wake up the next day without feeling refreshed or rested. The numbness continues.

I know there is a feeling wanting to resurface but I am not letting it.

Then it did. Sadness. I feel sad. Why? I don’t feel like I want to create. I want to be held, hugged, loved. I need to love myself. But right now I am too tired.

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2 thoughts on “Numb

  1. It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to rest. Things can be so overwhelming, to an extent that they make you feel nothing at all. And when the sadness crushes in you might wonder what was better, feeling nothing or at least sadness? That’s me at least.

    I’m proud of you going out with your dog even though you didn’t feel like it. You did it and that’s all that matters.

  2. Thank you for reassuring me. I sometimes feel guilty for not letting the feelings out but you absolutely understood sometimes I am too overwhelmed to even know what I am feeling at all.

    Take care of yourself.
    xoxo
    I.

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