So far in my journey, one way of learning to love myself is by taking care of myself. As I move past my unhealthy habits of getting down on myself and beating myself up through, for example, misusing food and exercise.
Exercise has been one of the toughest habits to implement. I have yet to have a healthy understanding and acceptance of it because I use to abuse of it. I used exercise not as a way of staying fit and being healthy but to loose weight faster even at my lowest point.
Eventually I understood that the goal is to move. But since even walking is challenging when I am self conscious even getting 10 mins of walking a day can be very difficult.
Last week I braved walking into the gymn. I had suspended my subscription for two months and tried to get out of my contract but I couldn’t. I have this contract until september so I decided to make use of it.
I went to the gymn for 40 mins on saturday. It was not physically straining but definitely mentally taxing. I always want immediate results, then I am reminded of how heavy I am, how much I should loose. All the “shoulds” come back.
At least now I know the gymn is really not for me, at least not for now. I cannot even learn to like it. I have discovered Zumba though. I might give that another try once my gymn subscription is over. Until then I will brave the gymn when I want to. No pressure.