Numb

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This week-end was not easy. Saturday I had my dog’s training, I usually look forward to it. It takes place in a forest like park with loads of dogs around and they are just hilarious to be around. But this saturday even if I was not having it, I somehow managed to pull myself out of bed and join the training group. My only motivation was the memories of my past fun experiences with my¬†furry besties and the fresh air, the fresh air had to do some good.

Then I went home. I had a skype meeting all day for an association I am part of. We had an election. I knew that I was proposed to be one of the three VP but the truth is I really don’t want that position. I have so much on my plate already and my own projects that this year I wanted to prioritise myself. I was not assertive enough in my arguments and ended up one of the VPs for three years. God help me ! I hope this will be a learning experience for sure.

Numb? I cannot feel anything at the moment. Food is calling me. I win the fights. Sometimes I am so numb and tired that all I want to do is to sleep. I wake up the next day without feeling refreshed or rested. The numbness continues.

I know there is a feeling wanting to resurface but I am not letting it.

Then it did. Sadness. I feel sad. Why? I don’t feel like I want to create. I want to be held, hugged, loved. I need to love myself. But right now I am too tired.

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